Be Happier:

Happiness--in your business life and your personal life--is often a matter of subtraction, not addition.

Consider, for example, what happens when you stop doing the following 10 things:

1. Blaming.

People make mistakes. Employees don't meet your expectations. Vendors don't deliver on time.

So you blame them for your problems.

But you're also to blame. Maybe you didn't provide enough training. Maybe you didn't build in enough of a buffer. Maybe you asked too much, too soon.

Taking responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming others isn't masochistic, it's empowering--because then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time.

And when you get better or smarter, you also get happier.

2. Impressing.

No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all "things." People may like your things--but that doesn't mean they like you.

Sure, superficially they might seem to, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that is not based on substance is not a real relationship.

Genuine relationships make you happier, and you'll only form genuine relationships when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.

3. Clinging.

When you're afraid or insecure, you hold on tightly to what you know, even if what you know isn't particularly good for you.

An absence of fear or insecurity isn't happiness: It's just an absence of fear or insecurity.

Holding on to what you think you need won't make you happier; letting go so you can reach for and try to earn what you want will.

Even if you don't succeed in earning what you want, the act of trying alone will make you feel better about yourself.

4. Interrupting.

Interrupting isn't just rude. When you interrupt someone, what you're really saying is, "I'm not listening to you so I can understand what you're saying; I'm listening to you so I can decide what I want to say."

Want people to like you? Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they say.

They'll love you for it--and you'll love how that makes you feel.

5. Whining.

Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems makes you feel worse, not better.

If something is wrong, don't waste time complaining. Put that effort into making the situation better. Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you'll have to do that. So why waste time? Fix it now.

Don't talk about what's wrong. Talk about how you'll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.

And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don't just be the shoulder they cry on.

Friends don't let friends whine--friends help friends make their lives better.

6. Controlling.

Yeah, you're the boss. Yeah, you're the titan of industry. Yeah, you're the small tail that wags a huge dog.

Still, the only thing you really control is you. If you find yourself trying hard to control other people, you've decided that you, your goals, your dreams, or even just your opinions are more important than theirs.

Plus, control is short term at best, because it often requires force, or fear, or authority, or some form of pressure--none of those let you feel good about yourself.

Find people who want to go where you're going. They'll work harder, have more fun, and create better business and personal relationships.

And all of you will be happier.

7. Criticizing.

Yeah, you're more educated. Yeah, you're more experienced. Yeah, you've been around more blocks and climbed more mountains and slayed more dragons.

That doesn't make you smarter, or better, or more insightful.

That just makes you you: unique, matchless, one of a kind, but in the end, just you.

Just like everyone else--including your employees.

Everyone is different: not better, not worse, just different. Appreciate the differences instead of the shortcomings and you'll see people--and yourself--in a better light.

8. Preaching.

Criticizing has a brother. His name is Preaching. They share the same father: Judging.

The higher you rise and the more you accomplish, the more likely you are to think you know everything--and to tell people everything you think you know.

When you speak with more finality than foundation, people may hear you but they don't listen. Few things are sadder and leave you feeling less happy.

9. Dwelling.

The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others.

Then let it go.

Easier said than done? It depends on your focus. When something bad happens to you, see that as a chance to learn something you didn't know. When another person makes a mistake, see that as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding.

The past is just training; it doesn't define you. Think about what went wrong, but only in terms of how you will make sure that, next time, you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.

10. Fearing.

We're all afraid: of what might or might not happen, of what we can't change, or what we won't be able to do, or how other people might perceive us.

So it's easier to hesitate, to wait for the right moment, to decide we need to think a little longer or do some more research or explore a few more alternatives.

Meanwhile days, weeks, months, and even years pass us by.

And so do our dreams.

Don't let your fears hold you back. Whatever you've been planning, whatever you've imagined, whatever you've dreamed of, get started on it today.

If you want to start a business, take the first step. If you want to change careers, take the first step. If you want to expand or enter a new market or offer new products or services, take the first step.

Put your fears aside and get started. Do something. Do anything.

Otherwise, today is gone. Once tomorrow comes, today is lost forever.

Today is the most precious asset you own--and is the one thing you should truly fear wasting.

Jeff Haden learned much of what he knows about business and technology as he worked his way up in the manufacturing industry. Everything else he picks up from ghostwriting books for some of the smartest leaders he knows in business.

Grooming people is in our genes, says HUL's Paranjpe

Nielsen in its latest Campus Track-B School Survey has rated HUL as the No. 1 employer of choice for B-School students of the Class of 2013. HUL also retained the 'Dream Employer' tag for the fourth year. Nitin Paranjpe, CEO & MD of HUL spoke to ET on investing in people, talent development and leadership building. Excerpts:

What gives HUL the edge in B-Schools?

HUL is what it is today because it always believed that organisations are built by people. 50-60 years back, our managers recognised that the organisation's success would depend on accessing the finest talent and building them into the finest leaders. The managers who came from London recognised even in those days that you had to build and groom local talent, so we had our first local chairman (Prakash Tandon) over 50 years ago. In that sense, building and grooming people is in our gene pool.

Competition for the best talent in B Schools is getting tougher.... newer employers like e-comm firms are offering exciting roles...

The first thing we recognised is that we are competing for talent not just across FMCG, but also banking, consulting, new-age companies and more. We believe that getting the best talent is about having the right proposition and the manner in which we deliver it. People are looking for an opportunity to deliver at their fullest potential; a place where they can grow; a company which has a sense of purpose. You don't have to be a new-age company to have all that. Take the Unilever Sustainable Living plan for instance, which aims to double the size of the business while reducing our environmental impact and creating a positive social footprint. We are officially saying that this is what we stand for, this is our larger purpose. Everyone is searching for that large purpose. It's uplifting; it's motivating.

Also, there is no escaping from the acid test which is what you deliver. People can promise you anything, but can you deliver on your promise?

It doesn't matter what we say; feedback should be consistent. In that sense, summer interns are like our ambassadors. We give them serious projects; they are our advocates, our champions. Then, there's the training on the job. When young managerial recruits come in, for 12-15 months, they are put through some really intense training. At the end of the training, we get reverse feedback from them: Did the coach have time for you? How do you rate him/her? There's a ranking system for the best tutors and coaches.

At 5%, your attrition levels are lower than the industry average. How do you retain people ?

We have a term called 'real jobs'. We will not add a role which is not a meaty, real job. People look for roles that offer challenges and empowerment. A certain level of attrition is good. Below that, we will clog the pyramid. We have a way of assessing individuals that ensures that the best move up.

Sreeradha D Basu, ET Bureau Feb 13, 2013,

The Secret of ‘Doing Without Doing’ By Dr. Robert Anthony

One of the mistaken certainties or misconceptions most people operate under is that you get what you want in life by what you DO, or through the actions you take. Most people believe that the DOING or action part is what makes things happen. However, this causes you to create in reverse. Let me explain…

The reason we put a lot of emphasis on action is because we do not understand the power of our thought. If you analyze it, 90% of most people’s actions are spent trying to compensate for inappropriate thought.

The Chinese philosopher Lao-tsu said that, “In the practice of the Way, every day something is dropped. Less and less do you need to force things until finally you arrive at non action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.” What he is talking about is ‘doing without doing.’

The problem is that most of us are preoccupied with “doing”. Unfortunately most of our doing usually involves struggle. In the western world we are conditioned to be action-oriented, so we place a tremendous value on doing. We are so busy doing that we do not realize that all this “doingness” causes us to create in a reverse fashion.

Most of our actions are out of fear, worry or doubt because we believe nothing will get done unless we DO something. In other words, we are trying to force our desire into manifestation through action.

If your decision to DO is dominant, then you will not focus on what you want to BE in the present moment. This causes you to miscreate because BEING is the first and most important step in the creative process.

Here is the secret. It is not your action that makes things happen, it is your intent. You can reduce the need for action to a very minimum by allowing yourself to focus on what you desire until you feel the positive energy begin to move within you. This energy is not based on doubt, fear, anxiety, worry or need. If you focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want, you will know when it is time to take action. And when you do, it will be effortless. Doors open and the entire universe will conspire to assist you in your desire.

Put simply, you should take no action on anything until you have visualized your desire and made it real enough in your mind that your next action, whatever it is, seems like the most logical step.

How can you know the next logical step? Here is the test that you can give to yourself before taking any action. If you focus on what you desire and still feel overwhelmed or anxious, then you are not ready for any action. You know you are ready when it feels like the next logical step is effortless. There is no effort, no strain, and no pain.

What we want to do is to use the leverage of energy, the same leverage of energy that creates everything in the universe. However, we are so caught up in the reality of WHAT IS, that we feel we must create everything through mental effort and physical activity.

Have you ever seen people who seem to have all the wonderful things in their life without much effort? It almost seems like they have an advantage over everyone else. Then you see the people who work the hardest usually have the least. That doesn’t seem fair does it? But that’s the way the universe works. Unfortunately, those who work the hardest usually have the least because they haven’t learned the leverage of aligning their energy. They are going about creating their lives the hard way. They are relying on only their actions to create what they want.

We have also been programmed that in order to have what we desire we must work hard. How many times have you heard, “No pain, no gain”? The implication is that if you want to make something of yourself, you must work hard. The message is clear – if you are not hurting or struggling, you are not moving forward. But here is the truth – anytime you are struggling you are miscreating. Anytime you feel pain or struggle, your magnetic point of attraction is directed to that which you do not want, rather than to that which you desire.

Actions are necessary, but they are not the first component of the creation processes. Actions cannot be used effectively to initiate results, because initiation is the function of BEING, then thought, then action.

Remember, the creation of anything is through your vibration. Everything vibrates, and it is by that vibration that we harmonize and attract experiences to ourselves. So before you act or do anything, first ask yourself, how am I vibrating? How do you tell? You tell by how you FEEL. Your feelings show you your vibration. How you feel determines what you attract.

When you use the process of creating by only focusing on what you want instead of what you don’t want, you will see that the universe will provide a different set of circumstances for you that requires much less action. This puts you in a state of ‘doing without doing’ or action without effort.

Time values Love

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left.

Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said , “Richness, can you take me with you?” Richness answered ,”No, I can not. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you.”

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, “Vanity, please help me!” “I can’t help you Love. You are all wet and damage my boat.” Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, “Sadness, let me go with you.” “Oh..Love, I am so sad that I need to be myself!”

Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her! Suddenly, there was a voice, ” Come Love, I will take you.” It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder his name. when they arrived at dry land, the elder went his own way. Love realizing how much he owed the elder and asked Knowledge, another elder, “Who helped me?” “It was Time“, Knowledge answered. “Time?” asked Love. “But why did Time help me?” Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, “Because, only time is capable of understanding how great Love is!”

Talking about Owing what you do

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the pay check  but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favour.

The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. “This is your house,” he said, “my gift to you.”

What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.

Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.

So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built.

If we had realized, we would have done it differently.Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely. It is the only life you will ever build. Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity.

The plaque on the wall says, “Life is a do-it-yourself project.” Who could say it more clearly? Your life today is the result of your attitudes and choices in the past. Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today.

You have to take Ownership of your Life and Your Work, You have to take the Responsibility and own it, unless you do not be the owner of you life and work… you will remain only a mediocre, often fired employee…! !